Sunday, July 9, 2017

My Theories on the Perfect Timing of Ibiza

When the pictures started to roll out last week of Michael Fassbender and Alicia Vikander enjoying their holiday in Ibiza, like everyone else, I was overwhelmed with several emotions about the pictures. Firstly, as a huge Michael Fassbender fan, I was happy to see HIM in swim trunks (they were too long IMO), then I was happy seeing him enjoying himself. Then I was a little perplexed about the suddenness of the images, and how out of the blue the extra serving of PDA was between Michael and Alicia. For the past 3 years, they both were notorious in protecting and keeping private their relationship. They wouldn't even kiss on the kiss camera at the BAFTAs. I didn't blame them, they're not circus monkeys at anyone's bidding to play kissy on demand. But something has changed recently to make them appear more, pap friendly in permitting themselves to be on full display during their current vacation.

I have several theories, which I referenced previously in recent days. But, someone called me out on being deliberately obtuse, and I agree, I shouldn't have announced that I had theories if I wasn't willing to elaborate. So, I have theories on angles from both perspectives of Michael and Alicia, but since I'm fully on board the Fassbender train, therefore, I'll only reveal two of my theories on the release of these Ibiza pics specifically regarding Michael. These theories are just speculation, but I think they are fair educated guess speculations as someone who is a fan and has a vested interest in the ongoing success of Michael's career.

First and foremost, we have to be frank, Alien Covenant did not perform as well as expected. Unfortunately, it failed to earn anywhere near the $403 million worldwide that Prometheus earned. Covenant, as of today, has earned $231 million. That is not bad for an R-rated sci-fi horror film. We have to keep in mind several factors. Covenant's production costs were $32 million less than Prometheus, and Prometheus was released in 2012, exactly 15 years since the last Alien film. With only five years difference between these two films, and the mixed reviews of Prometheus (another great film), people just weren't in a rush to go see Covenant in the theater. In fact, R rated sci-fi horror films tend to do better with their DVD/Blu-ray sales to help recover production and marketing costs. So that brings me to Theory #1: Alien: Covenant will be digitally released on August 1st, and released on Blu-ray, DVD, and 4K Ultra HD on August 15th. Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment want to make as much bank as possible with the digital and video sales - it's important to recoup as much as they can.

The movie going experience is rapidly changing for a lot people, myself included, as we don't have the expendable income to keep going to see a movie each weekend and spend upwards and over $20 each time. Hell, I saw Covenant at the Arclight, and it cost me $16 and I snuck in a box of Milk Duds that I bought for $1 at Target. Mind, I saw the film's premiere for free at the TCL Chinese Theater two nights earlier. And as another example, when I saw Michael's Song to Song in March at Arclight, I also splurged and 'treated' myself to a small soft drink and caramel popcorn, bringing that total theater viewing to $27. And I was by myself!  Imagine people going out on a date, or a family going to see a movie? This is the crux of why people are waiting for films to be released on home video, or streaming it later. Why not wait to buy the DVD for $22, and have the film as part of your film library forever, allowing you to watch it as many times as you want? This is not rocket science. Go to theater, spend $20, sit in an uncomfortable seat, deal with assholes talking, eating popcorn next to you too loudly, another asshole checking their text messages, someone with a gigantic head blocking your view... or, buy the DVD and watch it in the comfort of your own home on your slick 72 inch TV screen and Dolby surround sound system. And invite friends to watch it with you!

But there's a part two to Theory 1: The China Effect. Alien Covenant should have made much more money in Asia than it did. I think it earned about $31 million. But it was projected to earn closer to $75 million. The Chinese government love to censor Western films that don't meet their "morals" standards. So they not only removed all the scary alien scenes where the Xenomorphs burst out of people (that's the money shot, hello!), but they also deleted the Walter and David lip peck. The actual Chinese citizens who are social media savvy were aware that their government would slice the shit out of the movie, and they stayed away. They're not stupid, they're going to wait for the blu-ray version too, albeit the bootleg versions that will be available in that country.  So with the Chinese neutering Covenant, and demonizing it for the .3 second lip peck between two androids and (Michael Fassbender and his male double), it greatly affected the film's box office performance in that region of the world.

So what does this have to do with Ibiza? Well, even here in the States, deplorablespeople tripped out via social media that they didn't want to see Covenant because of its gay agenda, so again, this mere kiss which was incorrectly touted (for click bait headliners) as a gay kiss, scared off some film goers. Because of this, we now have the handsome Michael Fassbender, kissing and playing on a yacht with his beautiful movie star girlfriend of three whole years. See, he's not gay, he's an actor, and Michael is with his actress girlfriend enjoying a holiday together. The August dates for the digital and DVD releases are less than a month away. This is the perfect time to show the world that Michael Fassbender is a sexy guy enjoying time kissing his sexy girlfriend. Hint hint, He really doesn't kiss male stunt doubles and androids for real. And this is why we have grand paparazzi access to an otherwise private yacht party affair. The paparazzi didn't intrude, they were tipped off, albeit to remain at a distance. This is NORMAL in the industry.

Theory 2: Those James Bond rumors - where there's smoke there's fire. Although Daniel Craig has finally agreed to do his fifth and final James Bond film soon, there are several actors whose names keep being referenced for the past 3-4 years. Michael Fassbender is one of the top actors to possibly replace Craig, and he has ALL the qualities: good looks, European looks, Irish accent, physicality. And specifically, for those who think Michael is too old to play a new James Bond, Brosnan, Dalton, and Moore were all older than Michael is now (read). Like how Tom Hiddelston infamously made a fool of himself last summer in his bid to be considered to replace Craig because Tom's name used to be mentioned, he too went to the beach to show off his body with his lady friend and the media coverage was a huge failure. But unlike Tom, Michael's fun in the sun was more natural and he seemed to be really enjoying himself. He also displayed himself as athletic, very fit, diving, swimming, and being with his girl. Theory 2 isn't as strong as my Covenant support theory, but now is a great time for Michael and his people to position Michael as a strong contender to replace the great Daniel Craig with these fun pictures from Ibiza.

Lastly, as much as I use sarcasm and a cynical tone in some of my posts, that is not to imply that my respect and admiration for Michael Fassbender should ever be called into question. I will always, always support Michael's career choices and support what he does on his down time. I do want to take a moment to warn fans that there is a segment of people in social media that are on the periphery of the fandom who want to fan the flames of bullshit rumors and some blind items that are not about Michael, but these sick people want people to think some disturbing gossip is about Michael. He's a really decent person and does not deserve the unfair hate being flung his way by some really demented, mentally unstable people.


Unknown said...


Simone Cromer said...

@Unknown, I could be totally off base, but these are just theories I'm willing to share.

Gisa said...

I think your theories, although well thought out and valid, are incorrect. Michael is fashioned of two different characteristics: one is cautious, controlled and of the "think this through before acting" type and the other is "let's charge the bastards and get it over with" and I have a feeling that the Ibiza segment is part of the latter. He has been stalked day and night now for several years, he and Alicia have been more than discreet, and perhaps things finally snapped. "They want to see how I really go about making love to someone, not play acting, OK, let's give it to them." Even the most controlled person in the world has to let loose at some time and be himself and not only had the time come but there was that moment of "OK, let's get this over with once and for all!" I can understand that very well, as even the most controlled person does finally snap when constantly surveyed under a magnifying glass. If I were Michael I would be so paranoid by now that I would be checking out the public toilet venue for hidden cameras if I had to go and pee.
Michael is on vacation, he likes speed (he has said so), he likes to have fun, he is not the type to take in a symphonic concert and sit quietly in his seat, he participates, it is summer and he is on vacation, why not jump into the water? We would, if we had a yacht and were in Ibiza, so why shouldn't he? There is nothing to be ashamed of, nothing to hide, he is with friends and it is all one glorious, golden summer and good to be alive.
So, let us please ignore those who would read all sorts of ignoble motives into a normal sun and sea vacation and delight in the fact that the actor and man whom we admire is having his day in the sun.